


Supermarket Sweep

by spookyawards_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-09-20
Updated: 2003-09-20
Packaged: 2019-04-27 06:25:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14419524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookyawards_archivist/pseuds/spookyawards_archivist
Summary: The things we ask them to do.~tsk~





	Supermarket Sweep

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Spooky Awards](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Spooky_Awards), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [SpookyAwards' collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/spookyawards/profile).

 

Supermarket Sweep

## Supermarket Sweep

### by mimic117

Title: NEW Supermarket Sweep 

Author: mimic117 

Category: V, H, maybe a touch of A 

Spoilers: Nope. 

Rating: Squeaky clean PG, 'cept for a cuss word or two. 

Dedication: To my Big Guy, who has been the most loving, supportive male I've even known except in this one area because "What if I get it wrong?" He's a manly man, if a bit timid. 

Author's Notes: Written for the Haven 500 Word PMSing challenge. Let's hope this kick-starts the muse into getting on with things. 

Special Thanks: To Cindy, for the lightning fast beta and the LOL's in all the right places. 

Feedback: Is printed out, fawned over and stroked to tatters 

Visit all my stories at the little house that XochiLuvr built. [www.surfacing.com/mimic117/](http://www.surfacing.com/mimic117/) Your depravity levels may vary. 

* * *

Supermarket Sweep  
by mimic117 

They never tell you about this kind of thing at the Academy. 

Oh sure, there's lots of training. How to handle a gun and actually hit things when you shoot it. How to take down a perp who's bigger than you and really pissed off. How to run after a suspect until your lungs feel like they're gonna burst and then run some more. How to get along with your partner.... 

We got along okay right from the beginning, but it was a wary getting-along. I knew she'd do her job and she knew I'd do mine, but beyond that, we didn't know each other well enough to be sure how the other would act under fire. She quickly proved to me that I didn't have to worry about that. She's saved my ass more times than I care to think about, and I'm always looking for chances to return the favor. Not that I'm keeping score or anything. But it's polite to reciprocate when another person hauls your keister out of the line of fire. 

This wasn't quite what I had in mind, though. 

Why don't they include this in the training? Especially for guys. It's gonna come up at some point. It's inevitable. You get comfortable with each other. You trust each other. You'd even die for each other. So why shouldn't you do this one little thing, too? Easy, right? 

Wrong. 

There's too many choices. How am I supposed to know which is the right one? She didn't give me a specific kind, just a brand name and "Go get some." I've got no fucking clue what I'm looking at here. What if I get the wrong one? 

Okay, deep breath. You can do this. It's not like you're gonna have to testify about it in court or anything. I want to help her out. I really do. I've just never done this before and I don't want to screw it up. 

All right, let's see what the options are. You've got your pink box. You've got your blue box. You've got your light grayish box with ribbons on it. You've got -- I have no idea what the hell those are supposed to be. Better just skip it and pick something else. 

There's a female store employee watching me. I can see her out of the corner of my eye, but no way am I making eye contact. 

Is this how a woman feels when she tries to buy condoms? 

Oh shit. The store employee is coming this way. Don't look at her! Don't look at her! 

"Can I help you find something, sir?" 

~sigh~ "Yeah. I need to buy some tampons." 

Get that smirk off your face, lady. One word. That's all it would take. Just one word from you and Kotex packages are gonna fly! I'm loaded and cocked and my finger is on the trigger. Don't push my button right now. Things could get ugly -- 

Gee. I wonder if PMS is contagious? 

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**THE END**

Feedback: 

Homepage: [www.surfacing.com/mimic117/](http://www.surfacing.com/mimic117/)   
  


#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to mimic117


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